Pinoy Movie Templates

I've had a good share of Pinoy movies as a kid thanks to my mashed-potato-dancing, new-wave-singing, stiff-but-shiny-clothes-wearing uncle and aunt. After they fetch me from elementary school during the early 90s, they'll ask me to do my homework while they pop tapes into their treasured Betamax. BTW, if you're not aware what a "mashed potato" dance step is, dig around for some videos. Haha.

One thing I noticed about Pinoy movies is that almost always, there's this predictable pattern. I don't know if they're basing it on a template of some sort but WTH, the same all-in-one storyboard occurs that's just so cool! : þ

On a typical Pinoy comedy old movie, the following are not missed:

• Poor guy, rich girl setup
• Pure fun and laughter at first
• A companion of the guy (preferably a bald fellow) will be hit on the head or face numerous times because of his silly antics
• Dancing while singing on the beach production number : þ
• Slow-mo scenes while the girl is running or rolling on the sand
• Then the story will transition into a love plot
• Then villains suddenly appear, triggering action scenes
• Villains could be part of a syndicate aiming for payday against the guy because of his honest acts
• Or another guy that the girl's parents want her to marry (this guy have goons around him because he's rich also)
• When trapped in a very dangerous situation, the girl magically appears with a piece of wood to knock out the villain
• Or she saves the life of the guy by firing a lucky shot then throws the gun away afterwards as if she didn't mean it
• A catchy punch line is delivered after the hero wins
• Freeze photo of the main cast while reacting to a joke, then credits roll

And for old Pinoy action flicks:

• Guy is of authority such as a policeman, from the military, or anyone that wields a gun and very good at it
• Guy wears a black leather jacket that never gets dirty or torn apart
• Girl hates the guy a lot at first
• Then the story will transition into a love plot for inconceivable reasons
• Guy decides to end the bad activities of villains, girl attempts to stop him because of the danger but supports him anyway "para ipaglaban ang nararapat"
• The hero's gun never runs out of ammo! : þ
• Unbelievable punching power and speed of the hero (i.e. KOs goons in just a couple of hits)
• Very old cars are involved in explosions
• Actually, if you spot an old car being used by goons, there's a high chance of it getting blown up later on in the movie
• Explosion scene is shown in varying angles for about three times
• Lots of talking before engaging in the final gun battle
• Final action scenes occur in abandoned warehouses
• Hero is immortal -- never dies, never gets wounded, no weaknesses whatsoever
• Police backup always arrives late
• Optional: Hero becomes a real-life politician in the next decade : þ

If this isn't art, I don't know what is. More national artists please! Ü